Another tragedy befalls our nation. Another senseless tragedy.
Tis the season for good joy and merriment. Parties, carols, music, ugly christmas sweaters, all sorts of desserts, gift giving, gift receiving, shopping, and sometimes red and green jello.
But not today. Today someones child, named Adam, woke up and decided today was the day to make everyone pay for his unhappy life. I don't know... do I believe that he was conscious in his actions? If it's true that he might be autistic or suffer from aspergers syndrome... I've met and worked with kids with aspergers. They are brilliant, but mostly outsiders can't tell this. In fact, sometimes they don't show it in their work in school at all. Maybe they are so much smarter that they play it safe so as not to draw attention to themselves. They can also seem devoid of emotion. I don't know...
Do we know he was unhappy? No. Do we know he suffered from mental illness? Not yet. Is it strange that his 24 year old brother hasn't spoken to him since 2010? Yep. That would make them 18 and 22 when their relationship fell on hard times. What could have happened at 18 and 22 that would cause his brother to stop talking to him?
Why didn't Nancy Lanza, who had to have known her son was different, have her guns locked up? Was she trying to be one of those moms, a good mom - perhaps she thought, who showed she trusted him. That if she allowed him access to all things in the home, her car, computers, the guns... that somehow, that might help him to feel normal?
A lot of good that did her. I know she didn't deserve to die this death. She didn't deserve to die today. And no mother should ever die by their child's hand. Imagine for a second, standing there, pleading with your child to spare your life. I imagine looking to my child and seeing my baby, toddler and young boy - that whole "life flashing before my eyes" kind of thing, but instead of my life, I would have to think I'd see his life.
I cannot fathom being the parents of the all too many 5-10 year old children who will not open presents that may already be under their tree this holiday break. Who won't go sledding with their friends or siblings at the sign of first snow. Who won't know what an "A" looks like on their report card or know how many "1's, 2's or 3's" they are getting on this quarters grade report. Who don't GET to fret about the "sit and reach" in gym, open valentines, survive the awkward years of middle school, get a drivers license, have a first love... hear their parents tell them "Be careful. Call/text me when you get there, please." too many times to count. Their babies didn't even get a chance to "live" in this world. To experience, this world.
Christmas? In Newtown, Connecticut - who gives a shit about Christmas? They'd give it all back to have their loved ones with them. And though she's gone... I believe Nancy Lanzas spirit grieves for them. Where I chose to believe the Colorado shooters mom bore some fault (for her comment "You've got the right guy.") I don't yet know that this mother didn't do everything in her power to try to help her son. At this point, with little to go on... I find myself angry with the father who appears to not have been involved in the capacity he likely should have been.
My gut feeling about shooter Lanza is that he felt his mom loved her students more than him. What he must not have thought through - was how hurting the children at Sandy Hook elementary, AFTER he'd already killed his mother, could not hurt HER anymore. It seems glaring that he was trying to hurt her.
I'm the odd man out here. I wretch and eyes well with tears for the parents who have lost their babies. That have yet to be able to see, or hold their babies to say goodbye. Who will always wonder, in this world today, if it's safe to send their other babies off to school. Or let them go to a movie, or college on a big campus. I can't imagine what it was to be those children in those two rooms today. But as with the victims, I find my heart hurting for the mom who lost her life by her sons hand. Someone was quoted as saying her boys were everything to her. That she was a good mom. And as a mom - I don't know what her life was like watching her son grow up with no friends. Zero. None. Because I would imagine it to be gut wrenching. She knows, or did likely, before she died, that she didn't help him and that likely hurt her more than the thought of him hurting her.
Too many thoughts. Too many unknowns. Too many guns. Too many... far far... too many shooting rampages by kids... (yes kids... by age, and by definition, someones kid). This isn't coincidence. The world has changed and until we make it right, "change it back" this will continue to happen.
Heart. Hurts.
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